Apparently there is a video of me singing, just floating out there in the interwebz. It’s not half-bad, so I’m willing to share it 
Me and Peter, singing To Make You Feel My Love by Bob Dylan. (Very impromptu and very unrehearsed. You’ll see for yourself!)
- brunch
- yellow
- dark chocolate
- photographs of beautiful people
- singing
- regina spektor
- laughing so hard you start crying and can’t breathe
3 days until my 29th birthday, and you know what? I’m not that excited.
I don’t think it’s because I’m turning 29 that I’m lacking excitement this year. I think I just have a lot of other stuff going on and I may not have the mental capacity to enjoy my birthday.
However, to combat this birthday dreariness, I’m going to make a list of things that make me happy. Things I’m really thankful for right now. Hopefully the list will grow in the next few days as I think about this topic more.
For starters:
- homecooked korean food
- my mom living so close (this goes hand-in-hand with the first one)
- andrea, who lets me vent all my crazy thoughts and stupid crushes to her
- marcos, who has been my unofficial singing buddy this month. we have laughed a lot!
- joel, who is now one of my favorite people to talk to. plus he puts me in stitches on a regular basis.
- a good love story
- really awesome guitar solos
- boots
- cashmere
- the bent spoon
- sushi
- the fact that I’m going to Catalyst and the church is sponsoring me
More to come tomorrow…
What’s with all the serious posts? Time to lighten things up.
Here are 2 questions I was asked recently and my responses…
A question from my friend, Aaron:
Q. Who is your dream date?
A. Conan O’Brien
So, he thought this was the most ridiculous answer ever. Because of all the people in the world, why would I choose a lanky, pasty, red headed geek? Because he is smart, hilarious, and highly entertaining! And those things outweigh his looks.
On a separate occasion, my friend Bex asked me this:
Q. Can you think of and list your top 5 hottest guy friends?
A. Yes, but it took me about 2 days to come up with it!
So, now I wonder: do guys have more hot friends than girls do? Do they seek them out? Does it make girls less superficial? Or do we just turn a blind eye to our platonic friends’ hotness potential? Is this in any way related to the fact that of all people, Conan O’Brien is my dream date?
Serious stuff, people. I know. Now talk amongst yourselves.
It’s funny how mistakes can turn into blessings.
Marcos was leading worship with me today and by the middle of the 3rd service, his microphone crapped out. Dead batteries. This hardly ever happens because our audio guys are usually so on top of this stuff. But it did today.
So what did we do? I gave my microphone to Marcos.
Sitting there, microphone-less, I decided I’d be of more use if I got off the stage and prayed for those who were responding to Josh’s altar call for healing.
Miriam is a 40-something year old woman who desperately needs healing.
When she was a teenager, she was physically abused by her father. It got so bad that the only way to make it stop was to run away. So that’s what she did. Now almost 25 years later, she’s still suffering from nightmares about the abuse. It’s so bad that she finds the only reason worth living is to be strong for her children. If they weren’t in the picture, she’d prefer death over a life with this pain.
But she’s a fighter. She could have ended things a long time ago. She could be living in more dire circumstances. But she’s raised 2 kids on her own and holding it down as best as she can. But Matt and I prayed today that she would find healing and restoration in Jesus. We denounced Satan’s hold over her life and asked God to take away her pain and fear. I believe God is powerful and loving, but I know pains like this don’t go away overnight. It’s always a process and something that every “victim” has to overcome at their own pace – with support, prayer, and guidance.
But I prayed hard. And cried hard. I cried more than she did, and I don’t know why. But my heart broke for her. No matter how bad life gets, it doesn’t seem right when death seems like a better option, you know?
I’m going to email her this week with some counseling options and check how she’s doing. Whoever you are – whether you’re a regular reader, or a random visitor – if you could pray for her once this week, it would make a difference. God loves Miriam. Let’s love her, too.
I’ve always loved to sing. Always. And whether I was in choir or my college a cappella group or youth worship band, I always sang the soprano part. Always.
But after my stint in England after graduation, I stopped singing. I wasn’t involved in church worship anymore. I obviously couldn’t go back to my college a cappella group. I just stopped.
And now that I’ve picked it up again in the past year, my voice has changed. And it makes me sad. Because I can’t sing soprano anymore. Or at least, barely. And I went through a weird internal identity crisis this week when I realized I had to drop a song down 2 keys in order to really sing it comfortably. And even though my voice sounds SO much better, stronger, and clearer in that key, I felt humbled and embarrassed. That’s probably a weird reaction. I think most people wouldn’t care, but for some reason I struggled. Because I had to come to terms that my voice isn’t what it used to be. And I’m getting *gasp* older. And that I wasted a couple years doing nothing with my voice.
But I’ve come to terms with it now. And this is kind of a metaphor for my life. I can only do what is in my limits. And I don’t think it’s depressing to say that. Everyone has limits. Better to recognize them and push those boundaries when and where you can, than to live in a fantasy world.
I’m so cranky this week. I feel like an alien. Or a shrew. An alien-shrew. That’s it.
I’m definitely in some sort of funk right now. I keep thinking that maybe I’m just not praying enough. Or reading enough scripture. Because if I did that, I should be happier, right? But I am praying. And I am reading. But I still feel crappy, because the reality is that life doesn’t always work that way.
I was reminded of that idea as I thought about the words to “Blessed Be Your Name,” which is one of the songs we’re singing at church this weekend.
Blessed be your name, when the sun’s shining down on me. When the world’s all as it should be, blessed be your name.
Blessed be your name, on the road marked with suffering. When there’s pain in the offering, blessed be your name.
Thankfully, I can’t call this funk a time of “suffering,” but it is hard nevertheless. And I’m working things out: future, feelings, finances (it look me about a minute to think of another word that started with ‘f’ and I’m so happy I did. I like alliteration.). And I’m cranky. And feeling alien. And shrewish.
But God is asking me to bless his name anyway. He’s not asking me to pretend everything is rainbows and butterflies, but to bless and worship his name despite everything. Because worship causes me to take my eyes off of my problem and put them on the solution: Jesus.
So, tomorrow is a new day. And right now, if I’m being honest, I’m more excited about the sushi I will have for lunch than I am about leading worship for 3 services. But God is… well, God. And he cares about this funk I’m in. And he’s also bigger than it. So tomorrow, despite how I feel, I will drag my butt out of bed at 7am – which is earlier than I even wake up for work – pick up bagels and coffee for my team, and sing with everything I have in hopes that it will convey to at least one person that God is real. God is love. God is here.
The short of it: You can wait for the DVD, but I loved watching it in the theatre too. Maybe there aren’t any crazy special effects, but the acting is so beautiful (and so are the actors), it’s nice to see their story unfold on the big screen.
The long of it: For starters, I haven’t read the book yet – I only picked it up after watching the movie. So I can’t compare the film adaptation to the novel. But I can say that Rachael McAdams and Eric Bana are beautiful to watch in this. They’re both easy on the eyes, for sure, but they both bring such beauty, life, and depth to their characters. At the core, this is just another love story – it only happens to be set around science-fiction-esque plot twist. But McAdams and Bana bring the characters to life and make the audience fall in love with them. The story had potential to be hokey and far-fetched, but it’s the acting that keeps it grounded and believable, even as Bana is evaporating before your eyes on screen. Maybe I liked it more because I hadn’t read the book, and therefore didn’t know what to expect. Or maybe it’s because McAdams and Bana are two of my favorite actors already. But the story moved at a good pace, kept me surprised and humored, and at some points, stirred me unexpectedly, nearly to the point of tears. Definitely a job well done by the actors and director.
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. – Marianne Williamson
I’ve always loved this quote. Even if it was written by a “spiritual” fluff teacher (and not Nelson Mandela, as many people think). Because the prevailing theme here is that we are fearful. We fear failure. We fear being disliked. We fear the immensity of success. We fear overwhelming expectations.
But why do we think that’s normal? Why do I think that being fearful is healthy?
Chalk it up to cultural upbringing or uninspiring parenting or whatever, but at the end of the day, the fear is mine. And I’ve grown too comfortable with it. I think it’s time to be liberated.
Got this test through tonymorganlive.com.
Here are my top 10 personality traits (I think they’re spot on, what do you think?):
Aesthetic
You appreciate art, beauty, and design; you know that they are not superficial but absolutely crucial to living the good life. You have good taste, and you’re proud of it. Those with a high score on the “aesthetic” trait are often employed in literary or artistic professions, enjoy domestic activities — doing things around the house — and are enthusiastic about the arts, reading, and travel.
You don’t think it’s pretentious to be moved by art and beauty. You’re not one of those who believe it doesn’t matter what something looks like as long as it does its job.
Friendly
You would rather hang out with others than spend time alone, and you’d far rather be doing something with your friends than just sitting around. You’re happy in a crowded room, club, stadium, or auditorium.
You’re not a private person who is ill at ease in a group; you don’t view excessive socializing as a waste of time.
Scrupulous
You are an honest, fair person. You don’t lie or cheat to get ahead. You treat others with respect and hope for the same in return.
You do not feel that you are above the rules that everyone else follows; you are definitely not willing to do whatever it takes to get ahead.
Empathetic
You are in touch with your own feelings, which helps put you in touch with the feelings of others.
You don’t buy the logic that your happiness comes ahead of everyone else’s because unless you’re happy you’re incapable of making anyone else happy.
Warm
You have a genuine interest in other people. You’re a natural host, and are always thinking about how you can increase the happiness of those around you. When friends have problems or are in trouble, you’re usually the first person they turn to for aid and comfort. Scoring high on the “warm” trait suggests that you are among those who enjoy domestic activities — doing things around the house — and are enthusiastic about charitable work, helping others, and making the world a better place.
You don’t always say exactly what you’re thinking; you don’t like the idea of causing anyone pain because of your criticism.
Cooperative
You enjoy teamwork, play well with others, and prefer getting along to winning.
You’re not compelled to win every contest nor to be right all the time.
Understanding
You are willing to take the time to find out what’s going on with other people, especially if they’re in distress. You’re a good listener, you don’t criticize, and you offer unbiased, respectful, honest advice when it’s requested. With a high score on the “understanding” trait, it is likely that you are enthusiastic about charitable work, helping others, and making the world a better place.
You don’t feel the need to impose your standards on others or say things that, even though true, cause pain.
Responsible
You fulfill your obligations and responsibilities, are true to your word, and generally obey the rules. While the majority of those who have a high score on the “responsible” trait enjoy traveling, they are usually very happy to return home — and don’t mind staying put for a while.
You’re opposed to making hasty decisions, you don’t insist that you’re above the rules, nor do you feel compelled to color outside the lines.
Organize
You like to think a task through before you embark on it. If it’s the slightest bit complicated, you make a list (even if it’s only in your mind) and methodically work your way through it. When you have a goal in mind, you’re not satisfied until you reach it.
You are not one of those people who ignore the details, and you don’t understand how anyone can get anything accomplished without thoughtful planning ahead of time.
Emotional
You let it all hang out, and those around you always know what you’re going through.
You are not isolated from your emotions; no one would call you “cold-blooded,” or even “cool as a cucumber.”
